Giant Echizen and Nomura jellyfish are invading the seas of Southeast Asia and becoming a problem for the fishing industry. That, and they’re pretty fucking scary! Could you imagine diving into the water and colliding with that?

Or WORSE… falling into this net:

Omfg, I have nightmares about stuff like that. Usually the nightmares involve swamps and gross things in murky water. I was probably swallowed alive by an anaconda in a past life,  but these things? It would be like falling into a pit of stinky electric spaghetti and giant wet mushrooms. *shiver*

So anyway, according to Wikipedia, there are different theories about why these mutants are gaining numbers.

• The development of ports and harbours along the Chinese coast have provided an increase in structures for the Nomura larvae to attach themselves to.
• The seas off of China have been inundated with nutrient-rich run-off from farms and industry.
• China has over-fished their waters and reduced the populations of the jellyfish’s natural predators, which fed on the larvae while they are still zooplankton.
• The cause may be China’s new dam, the Three Gorges Dam. On the Yangtze River, the Three Gorges Dam, the world’s largest hydroelectric project, has increased the amount of phosphorus and nitrogen in the waters off China, creating an ideal breeding ground for the jellyfish.
• Global warming could cause the heating up of the seawater and encourage jellyfish breeding. The water could become more acidic, making it a more suitable environment for jellyfish survival. Jellyfish also have the ability to take in oxygen directly from their skin. This enables the jellyfish to thrive in the oceans’ growing dead zones.

The problem with combating the jellyfish is that when they are under attack or killed, they release billions of sperm or eggs which connect in the water and attach to rocks or coral formations. When the conditions are favorable the creatures detach from their home, millions at a time, and grow into more jellyfish.

This is getting scary. It’s only a matter of time before these guys grow legs or learn to fly.

This one has already taken the first step at destroying humanity:

And this one has already appeared to be able to walk in shallow water:

Oops! My bad. That’s Kevin Federline. Regardless, that gives you an idea of what we’re up against.

This is what they’ll look like when they learn to fly. For some of you, this will be the last thing you will ever see before your face is eaten.

To make things worse, Chinese scientists are studying these creatures to hold the world ransom. Here you can see a top secret picture of a scientist attaching lasers to a couple right before he releases them back into the wild.

Thankfully, the Japanese are on our side.  They don’t have much of an army, but since those little fuckers will eat anything, they’re doing their part by turning a monster into a meal.

It’s not pretty, but I suppose if one thinks “warm gummy worms” they’re easier to get down.

For those who are pickier about how they eat their jellyfish, they’ve come up with some  solutions:

Jellyfish cookies! Like Obama at an elementary school, you gotta get the kids while they’re still young and impressionable and teach them that jellyfish are evil.

OK, I don’t read Japanese either, but you’ll just have to trust me that this is jellyfish ice cream – chunky style.

If you’re on the go, you can do your part by eating dried jellyfish in a convenient snack pack. You know they sell these in vending machines:

So thank you, Japan, for making the world safer and prolonging us from what appears to be impending doom.